Too Gay or not too gay

I saw a reel this morning that was tongue in cheek explaining the definitions of ‘gay’ or ‘gaaaay’ using the context that to be gay is ok but when something is wrong or off it’s ‘gay’.

It triggered old wounds in me about the language we use & the power of words as weapons against us. As a gay guy growing up in the 80’s & 90’s we fought hard as our Queer forebears before us did to get equality and recognition (not to mention the legalisation of being considered an equal citizen in a world that says we’re still not).

One of those things that many of us took on board was the language we used. As is generally accepted when we take back the power of words used as weapons against us, it’s generally perceived that we ‘win back’ that power. Take for example the word ‘Queer’. It’s been around since the 16th century & since the 19th & 20th centuries has been aimed directly at our people as a way of insulting us & keeping us marginalised. Now it’s generally accepted as a term to identify our community at large. The power of the word has been reclaimed (mostly).

For many years I deliberately tried calling myself a poof or poofter as this was the language used against me since I was a child. The rationale being that that word lost its power…& it worked…to a point.

Why only to a point? Because we have become numb to the language we use, not to heal or educate. As we’ve become more aware of others needs & rights there’s an equally strong backlash against this effort. It really comes down to change & people’s general discomfort in that process (that’s another blog story).

So cut to now & the use of the word ‘gay’ is being used flippantly as something wrong, too excessive, bad, stupid, silly, too effeminate - the list goes on - has only made us numb to the damage it can cause. The noise of the protests from those who can’t see the damage it causes long term, not just to individuals but to groups & communities is drowning out the rest of us saying ‘hey, that’s part of who I am that you’re using to mock & ridicule’. So much so that in this reel there were other Queer people saying ‘I’m gay & totally fine with this’ - are you? Are you really? Are you really willing to be seen as something stupid, silly, dumb, less than, not a valuable member of society/community etc? Because that’s really what’s at play here.

So next time you use the word ‘gay’ as a way of describing something as less than, then you’re describing someone you love, know, respect as less than you. You’re basically saying ‘I’m better than you & I’ll make sure you know this by keeping you small & marginalised’.

I won’t even start on the comments made about ‘being a snowflake’ to the few that dared speak up. Language is one of our most powerful aids as it is our weapon - use it wisely.